shawnallen50

my words

Month: September, 2014

How?

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How can we not be dancing?
The big Earth is turning,
But our feet only move in straight lines.
If you’re walking on this Earth
You’re treading on sacred ground,
So how can we not be dancing?

How can we not be singing?
The sun just keeps rising,
But our whole lives lived in just one note.
If you aren’t speaking truth
You’re just making noise.
How can we not be singing?

How can we not be living?
The days keep slipping by
But the routine never seems to change.
We’ve learned so many things
And forgotten who we are.
How can we not be living?

09-13-2014

isolation-tank

Do the blind weep for colors they cannot know?
Do the deaf long to hear the symphonies denied them?
Do the mute go silently insane with all the things they cannot express
And the screams of passion and rage that go unheard?
Do the scarred long to feel again;
To reach beyond the tough flesh and touch another?
When the night is dark and quiet
And I see my own gray reflection
These are things I wonder…

Ghost Stairs

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On the floor by the foot of the bed he keeps the drawer that used to hold his socks and underwear, upside-down, with a box of once read paperbacks on top, pushed against the mattress. The top of the box was indented, as if something had sat there and pushed it in, and the whole mess looked quite out-of-place.

He kept them there so his little, aging dog could use them as steps to get up onto the bed whenever she wanted to.

Even though she’d been gone almost a year, he couldn’t bring himself to move them back where they belonged, in case her ghost came to visit, and still needed them to get into the bed.

09-29-2014

The Cricket

The Cricket

Outside the door
A lonely cricket sings
Heralding the going-within season.
This stray Summer’s day
Belies the coming chill;
A last solar flare
Before snow marches down
The mountain
And the mystery of Winter’s shroud falls.
One final lucid dream
Of life, then,
It will be silence.
Yet, today, a cricket sings.

09-27-2014

the cricket

child in corner copy

The child hides far back
in the darkness
making itself small
forcing the breaths
in
out…
very slowly
in
out
very quiet.
The pills lay scattered
lying on the ground
within reach.
It wants to take them
but the child knows
it would then be as weak
as vulnerable
as dead
as the man
it hides within…

Blood drips from clenched fists
staining
polluting the dark earth.
The door before me is closed.
No key or knob of entry shows
on the blank face.
Only the blood from my broken hands
mars the surface.
Tears stream from my eyes
shame and rage
given form.
I taste salt on my lips:
a thing that can preserve,
or make barren.
I raise my fists again
and begin to slam them
on the wooden barrier.
Knowing it is futile,
blood spraying,
I beat the door,
feeling the blows
on my body.,,

handbleeding_rowan_fitzgerald

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Of these I am made:
the salt of a tear
a smile’s incandescence
phosphor, burning bright
the caress of moonbeams
the lust of fireflies
a monk’s desires
the edges where light and shadows meet
the sound of a wish
wind in a graveyard
the scent of a nursery
wanton mutterings
whispered screams
captured star-stuff
the echo of oceans
the dance of the mountain
the hue of delphinium
the fragrance of porrtulacas
the feel of fresh yarn
and secrets,
Of these I am fashioned.

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Black beaks,

Oily black wings and sharp talons,

Wet black eyes crying,

The ravens tear

Their way through from the inside,

Escaping my swollen gut

And stealing tatters of my soul

To line their nests.

In their wake,

Common crows rush in to roost.

09-16-2014

An Instant’s Choice

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On that day when everything catches up to you

All at once:

All the petty and miraculous, the ecstatic and mundane,

The laundry and the orgasm and the cruelty and the passion

and the duty, the freedom, the lies, the miracles, the falseness and the all-too-real –

All the ‘all’ of it –

All at once.

You have to either scream or be struck silent

For the first time in your life:

Absolute silence…

And you hear.

And suddenly you know

(Because the divine in you speaks clearly in that utter stillness)

That everything until this moment

Has been play-acting,

Preparing you for this instant

When the choice becomes clear

And the world falls out from under you

And the sky opens so very wide

That you fear being devoured by it

And you are floating in a matrix

Of what is and may be and glorious, maddening chaos

And choices.

Every choice you will ever make and ever could make

Lives in this one fragile instant;

Quicker than a heartbeat

Or the flap of a hummingbird’s wing,

With ripples and waves that will long outlast you.

Choices that are truly only one choice…

If you scream, in that instant,

You will feel the walls and the labels and the prisons

Close in like a suffocating desert:

And the scream coming up from your soul

Will never end.

Yet, if silence takes you,

And you listen, listen, listen to that sound,

That voice of unreason,

The God-voice that is you,

Every moment from then on will belong to you

To experience, to love, to pray, to create!

And you will be free.

Know this: one day all of it will catch up to you,

All you are or ever have been

And you will have but an instant to choose

Whether to scream,

Or hear the silence…

09-14-2014

Stars In Your Soul

Open the window in your heart and climb through.
Leave behind that room full of mirrors and scornful echoes.
Refuse the stale crumbs you are thrown
Until the hunger drives you to claim the feast that is yours by right.
Turn your eyes from the candlelight
And look to the stars in your soul,
Burn bright!

09-13-2014

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